Funny Skinny People Funny Broke People

A priest, a minister, and a rabbi decided to go skinny dipping...

Suddenly, they saw three women walking towards them. Each was a member of their flocks. The priest and the minister covered their privates with their hands and closed their eyes waiting for the agony to end.
After the women walked away they noticed the rabbi had covered his face and not his nether regions. He said, "My flock recognizes my face. What kinda sermons do you give?"

What do you call a skinny Pakistani cow?

A moo-slim.

A priest, a rabbi, and a minister...

Are skinny dipping in the forest one day. Joking and talking philosophy and such. Suddenly they hear a large group of locals walking down the path toward them. To their dismay, they realized that they left their clothes hanging on branches on the other side of the path and would have to run past everyone to get them.
The minister gets out of the water, covers his junk and runs as fast as he can past the oncoming people to get his clothes.
The priest, in turn, gets out of the water, covers his junk and runs as fast as he can past the people to his clothes.
Finally the rabbi gets out of the water, covers his face and runs as fast as they can to his clothes.
As they dress the priest turns to the rabbi and asks,
"Why did you cover your face and not your genitals?"
"Well I don't know about you guys, but in my congregation they know me by my face."

I saw a skinny guy getting brutally beat up by 5 huge guys! I'm not the hero type, but still decided to help out.

It felt good being on the winning side for once.

What do you call a skinny feminist?

Photoshopped.

What did the fat prostitute say to the skinny prostitute?

"We really should have made better life choices."

I know skinny jeans are fashionable...

But as a slightly chubby man, I just can't seem to be able to pull them off

A Rabbi and a Priest were having a picnic

A Rabbi and a Priest were having a picnic on a really hot summer day and wanted to dip in the river to cool off. They had not thought to bring bathing suits, so decided to skinny dip instead.

The river was flowing rapidly and both clergy were washed a short distance downstream before getting out. After climbing out of the river they had just started to make a run for it to get to their clothes, when many members of their congregation came into view.

The Priest covered his privates with his hands and put on a burst of speed, but the Rabbi covered his face instead. "What are you doing?" the Priest asked. "I don't know about you," the Rabbi answered, "but my congregants recognize me by my face."

Why is Caitlyn Jenner so skinny?

Because the FDA just banned trans fats.

I am an obese man identifying as a skinny man...

I am trans-fat.

A heavily pregnant woman goes into labor in a retail store.

A crowd gathers around her as people struggle to help, or at least make her comfortable.

Panicked a man looks around and asks "Is anyone here a doctor?!"

From the crowd steps a man wearing skinny jeans and a plaid shirt, with short, neat hair and a scruffy beard. "I'm a vegan!"

You can explore skinny anorexic reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean skinny fatter dad jokes. There are also skinny puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

What do you call a skinny person that identifies as obese?

A trans fat

How are skinny jeans like a small mansion?

They have no ball room.

A young child caught her parents in the bedroom last night.

The child asks,
"Mommy, what were you doing bouncing on daddy's stomach last night?"
The mother replies,
"I have to do that, or else daddy's belly gets very fat. Bouncing keeps him skinny."
"That's not going to work, you silly!" responds the child.
"Why not?" asks the mother.
"Because the babysitter keeps blowing him back up again."

What do skinny jeans and cheap hotels have in common?

No *ball*room

Gandhi walked barefoot most of the time, was quite skinny, and apparently had bad breath.

That'd make him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis

An Irish Lumberjack

A large Canadian lumber camp advertised that they were looking for a good Lumberjack. The very next day, a skinny Irishman showed up at the camp with his axe, and knocked on the Foreman's door.

The Foreman took one look at the small Irishman and told him to leave. "Just give me a chance to show you what I can do," said the Irishman.

"Okay, see that giant redwood over there?" said the Foreman. "Take your axe and go cut it down."

The Irishman headed for the tree, and in five minutes he was back knocking on the Foreman's door.

"I cut the tree down," said the Irishman.

"*Holy smokes!*" Said the Formean. "Where did you get the skill to chop down trees like that?"

"In the Sahara Forest," replied the Irishman.

Confused, the Forman asked "...don't you mean the Sahara Desert?"

"Is that what they call it now?"

Sometimes I wonder about my ex girlfriends who I haven't seen in years,

you know, like has she become all fat and bloated, or has she become disgustingly skinny; or maybe someone has already found the body.

Whats fat on the bottom, skinny on the top, and has ears?

Mountains!

...what? You've never head of mountaineers?

How are a pair of skinny jeans like a cheap motel?

No ballroom

Why are math students so skinny?

Because they buy no meals.

(Binomials)

What do you call a skinny tree?

The Real Slim Shady

It's so sad...

that trees look at telephone poles, and think that being tall and skinny is the only way to get people talking.

Fat people are harder to kidnap

But skinny people are worth less at the meat market

If you had to choose...

Between eating bacon everyday or being skinny for the rest of your life, would you choose applewood or hickory smoked?

An Old Man and His Lake

An old man went down to his lake to clear brush from a recent storm. When he arrived he found 8 beautiful women skinny dipping in the water. Seeing him the women yelled "you get out of here old man. We're staying under the water until you're long gone so you don't see a thing." Quickly the old man replied "I apologize ladies. I'm not here to spy on you. I just came to feed the alligators."

What do you call a skinny Muslim

A muSLIM.

Why are plants so skinny?

They usually have a light lunch.

They say inside every fat person is a skinny person trying to get out.

But that's silly. Surely the skinny people aren't still alive after they eat them.

Why does Japan have so many skinny people?

Last time they had a fat man, they lost a city.

Even though I'm pretty skinny, I identify as an obese person...

I'm trans fat.

One evening an old farmer went down to the pond...

One evening an old farmer went to go down to the pond, as he hasn't been there in a while, he grabbed a five gallon bucket and some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard some voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted at him "we're not coming out until you leave!" The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or get out of the pond naked". Holding the bucket up he said "I'm here to feed the alligator."

An old farmer was picking apples. After filling up a bucket and walking back to the farm, he saw a group of beautiful women swimming in his pond

As he got closer, he realized they were skinny dipping. When the group noticed the old farmer approaching them, one girl shouts to him "we are not coming out until you turn away". The farmer, thinking quick, holds up the bucket of apples and says "I'm just here to feed the gator anyway"

A fat guy meets a skinny guy...

The fat one says: "You look like there's been a famine."

The skinny one replies: "You look like you caused it".

My grandpa just walked into the room with a young man wearing skinny jeans and a beard.

I said, Who is this, grandpa?

Grandpa: He's my hip replacement.

I like my women like i like my jeans...

Skinny, tight, and ripped...

I told my wife, "You are so skinny."

Then I grabbed her by the love handles and said, "Just look at all this skin."

I'm a transfat...

I'm fat, but identify as skinny.

Daddy's Fat

Mommy, what were you doing bouncing on Daddy's stomach last night?

"I have to do that, or dad's belly gets really fat, bouncing on his belly keeps him skinny."

That's not going to work.

"Why baby?"

Because the babysitter keeps blowing him up again!

A bus full of cheerleaders went off a cliff

Miraculously, all twenty of them managed to grab onto the same branch sticking out of the cliffside. There were nineteen beautiful blondes and one brunette. The brunette saw the branch was starting to break, so she made a decision.

"Listen ladies," she said. "As skinny as we are, this branch can't hold all our weight. You're all so beautiful and talented, so I'm going to let go in hopes that it's enough to save your lives. Tell my family I love them."

The blondes were so moved by her selfless sacrifice that they gave her a round of applause.

What do skinny jeans and modern houses have in common?

No ballroom

Wife: Did I get fat during quarantine?

Husband: You were never really that skinny

Time of death: 26/4/20 11:31am

Cause of death: Corona virus.

As a fat guy, I tend to avoid wearing skinny jeans.

I find it very difficult to pull it off.

A fat man meets a skinny man

The fat man tells the skinny man: "when people look at you, they think the world's starving to death"

And the skinny man responds: "when they look at you, they know why"

Why are the Japanese always so skinny?

The last time there was a fat man in Japan a whole city disappeared.

A bodybuilder sees a group of beautiful women flocking around a skinny guy at the gym one day...

The bodybuilder is baffled. He asks his friend: "What the hell do they see in that wimp?"

"I hear he can bench press a hundred pounds," says the friend.

"A hundred pounds?!?" The bodybuilder snorts. "Hell, I can bench press over three hundred and fifty!!"

The friend raises an eyebrow. "With your tongue?"

What do skinny jeans and motels have in common?

No ballroom.

Small, skinny man is sitting in a pub...

There is a beer in front of him. A macho, muscular man enters the pub, taps him on the shoulder and drinks his beer! The skinny man starts crying. The big man:

\- Oh, stop crying, baby. That's just one beer...

The small man:

\- Okay, listen! Today my wife left me, my bank account is empty, my house is empty! I even got fired from my job. I didn't want to live anymore, so i tried to kill myself. I lay down on the rails - they changed the train route! i tried to hang myself - the rope broke! I tried to shoot myself - the gun broke! And now, i'm buying a beer with my last money, i'm pouring poison inside and you're drinking it!

Wife to husband: Did I get fat during quarantine?

Husband replies: you weren't really that skinny to be begin with!

Time of death: 11:00pm
Cause of death: Covid-19

Skinny dipping

A farmer heads down to the pond carrying a bucket. As he nears the pond he hears voices. It's a bunch of girls skinny dipping. The girls hear him coming and all head down to the deep end. "We see you!" shouts one of them. "We're not coming out until you've gone". The farmer says "What? You think I've come all this way just to see a bunch of naked girls? Sheesh. Nahhh, I just came down here to feed the alligator".

What did god say when Eve went skinny dipping?

Damnit, i'm never getting that smell out of the fish.

Security Guard : "I'm sorry ma'am but skinny dipping is prohibited in this beach "

Woman : " You could have warned me before I removed the clothes"

Security guard :" Well, there is no law about that".

What does a skinny pharmacist take?

Gotnoasitol

Life is like a box of chocolates

Fat people go through it faster than skinny ones

I'm fat, but I identify as skinny.

I'm trans slender.

There is a new study about women and how they feel about their asses, the results were pretty interesting...

30% of women think their ass is too fat,

10% of women think their ass is too skinny,

The remaining 60% say they don't care, they love him, he is a good man, and wouldn't trade him for the world.

There was a skinny bus conductor and a buff guy...

Whenever the buff guy traveled the bus and conductor came to him for the ticket, buff guy says I don't buy tickets.

The conductor always meekly went away.

One day the conductor got tired of this and joined the gym.

After some time he too got buff.

Next day when the buff guy refused to buy the ticket, conductor (now also buff, but let's still refer to him as conductor) asks him with a commanding voice, 'Why?'

Buff guy says 'I have a bus pass that's why'.

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Source: https://jokojokes.com/skinny-jokes.html